Two things can end practically any horror movie before it starts…
The first is a cell phone — call for help, summon an Uber, or at least take pictures so the police believe you. The second is a gun, because it’s a gun.
Having both makes the most sense, but the gun that stops a werewolf is not the best option for masked home invaders. You need a specialized tool for a specialized terror.
Today, we’re having a bit of fun by providing you with seven awesome, highly specific weapons guaranteed to survive and end any threat a horror movie could throw at you.
If you’re looking to turn the tables on everything from slashers to mummies, you’ve come to the right place!
THE QUICK LIST
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Best for The Birds
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Best for Slashers
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Best for Zombies
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Best for Werewolves
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Best for Vampires
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Best for Supernatural Bad Guys
Best Guns to Survive Horror Movies
1. Mossberg 940 Waterfowl Snow Goose – Best for The Birds
Prices accurate at time of writing
Prices accurate at time of writing
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Pros
- 13-round capacity
- Red dot ready
- Adjustable LOP
Cons
- Expensive
Specs
- Caliber: 12 Gauge
- Barrel Length: 28 inches
- Overall Length: 50.75 inches
- Weight: 8.25 lbs
- Capacity: 13 rounds
We’ll start with an easy one. Birds don’t seem to be that big of a threat, right?
Alfred Hitchcock had a habit of making the mundane horrifying, and The Birds started a genre of nature-gone-evil horror movies.
If you find yourself fleeing a seemingly endless flock of evil birds, you’ll need a way to gain distance. Birds are tough; they are fast-moving, and when working together, they are seemingly endless.
How do you deal with such a threat?
A mother trucking shotgun…but not just any shotgun. You have to find a gun designed to kill birds that won’t run out of ammo. With so many bird guns restricted to two to three rounds, we have to get creative.
The shotgun of choice to deal with these pesky evil birds is the Mossberg 940 Pro Waterfowl —specifically, the 13-shot model.
Yep, 13 shots in a semi-auto shotgun platform. The magazine tube looks outrageous, but you’re not clearing rooms, you’re clearing the skies!
Snow geese don’t have the same restrictions as other birds, so Mossberg made this beastly shotgun. It’s more than a big magazine tube. It swings naturally and features a vent rib and high-visibility sight with the option to mount a mini red dot.
The semi-auto design makes it easy to fill the sky with birdshot and to down so many fowl that they’ll change their minds about you being easy prey. Should you have to reload, the massive loading port and bolt release make it easy to keep filling the skies with lead.
The Mossberg 940 Waterfowl Snow Goose would make Alfred Hitchcock throw up his hands in frustration as horror quickly becomes a fruitful hunt.
2. Smith & Wesson Shield X – Best for the Vengeful Slasher
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Prices accurate at time of writing
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Pros
- Easy to carry
- 15-round capacity
- Light and optic ready
Cons
- Magazines are tough to load
Specs
- Caliber: 9mm
- Barrel Length: 3.6 inches
- Overall Length: 6.87 inches
- Weight: 20.8 ounces
- Capacity: 13 – 15 rounds
Does someone know what you did last summer? Or maybe you’re facing a “sins of the father” situation. Of course, you could be at a summer camp and a vengeful former camper is killing off the counselors.
Regardless of the why, you have to deal with a slasher, likely a normal human being armed with a knife, axe, or machete. The Smith and Wesson M&P Shield X provides the solution to the vengeful slasher.
This micro compact 9mm gives you 15 rounds of 9mm in an easy-to-carry package. Summer camp carry can be tough due to the short shorts and summer camp activities, so we don’t want anything too big.
The new Shield X comes optics-ready, and an optic makes it a lot easier to aim when you’re in fear for your life. If tradition holds, the vengeful slasher can walk as fast as you can run, and having a fast-aiming option is always nice.
My optic of choice would be the Holosun EPS Carry since it’s a highly reliable enclosed emitter.
Additionally, the vengeful slasher comes at night, and the Shield X allows you to mount a light on its short rail. You don’t want a cat to cause a jump scare and force you to shoot in the dark. You want that good, positive identification, and a Shield X equipped with a Streamlight TLR-7 HL-X makes it easy to see that vengeful slasher.
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Prices accurate at time of writing
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A semi-auto handgun, equipped with a red dot sight, a light, and loaded with 15 rounds of 124-grain JHPs, will make short work of your typical slasher.
3. KelTec Sub 2000 5.7 Gen 3 – Best for Zombies
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Prices accurate at time of writing
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Pros
- Lightweight
- Low recoil
- Accurate out to 150 yards
Cons
- Expensive ammo
Specs
- Caliber: 5.7x28mm
- Barrel Length: 16.15 inches
- Overall Length: 30.45 inches
- Weight: 4.36 lbs
- Capacity: 20 to 30 rounds
By themselves, zombies aren’t much of a threat. They are slow, stupid, and smelly. It’s when zombies form a group that they become a problem.
The best way to deal with zombies is to try to avoid them, but when you can’t, you need a fast-firing, easy-handling carbine. Your goal should be to escape as quickly as you can, so you should prioritize a gun that’s easy to carry and allows you to jump, climb, and run with ease.
You also aren’t looking to shoot zombies at exceptionally long ranges, but you want to be able to shoot quickly to engage multiple zombies. With that in mind, the KelTec Sub 2000 in 5.7x28mm is a great option.
The 5.7x28mm round has tons of benefits for zombie slaying. First, the gun has practically no recoil. It handles like a .22 Magnum. You can shoot quickly and accurately with a cartridge capable of getting to the brain and shutting the zombie down.
The 5.7x28mm round is flat-shooting out to 150ish yards. I have a 17-yard zero that will take you out to 170 yards with a center hold on an 8-inch target. That’s far enough for me.
I paired my Sub2000 with a 3X micro prism, and it’s super easy to shoot out to 150 yards. Within 100 yards, it’s a laser beam.
The 5.7x28mm also has subsonic options, so you can pair it with a suppressor to reduce volume and avoid attracting zombies to your location. Most .22LR suppressors can handle 5.7, and all 5.56 cans can handle the rounds. Even without subsonic ammo, a suppressor can help keep your presence hidden from zombies.
The gun weighs less than 5 pounds and folds in half, so it’s easy to pack in and out. You can sling it over your back, and it’s hardly in the way as you climb that ladder to escape the coming horde.
4. M1 Garand – Best for Werewolves
Prices accurate at time of writing
Prices accurate at time of writing
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Pros
- Powerful, semi-auto design
- Can attach a bayonet
Cons
- Heavy
Specs
- Caliber: .30-06
- Barrel Length: 24 inches
- Overall Length: 43.5 inches
- Weight: 9.5 lbs
- Capacity: 8
Everyone talks about silver bullets with werewolves, as if it’s a magic bullet that will just drop a werewolf at impact.
Sure, we need silver, but we also need a cartridge that’s powerful enough to hit something vital.
You should treat werewolf hunting a bit like bear hunting. It’s incredibly dangerous, and the animal you’re hunting is incredibly powerful. You need a round that penetrates enough to reach the vitals.
You also want a gun that offers follow-up shots. Werewolves are pack animals, and you might need more than one silver bullet to quickly stop one of these lunar-fueled lycanthropes.
With that in mind, the M1 Garand is one helluva option. The .30-06 is a powerful cartridge that can dig deep and hit hard. The M1 Garand offers you a semi-auto option for fast follow-up shots.
It’s a proven battle rifle that’s reliable and powerful. It offers eight rounds of .30-06 compared to most hunting rifles that tap out at three or four rounds. The hefty design of the gun and the long stroke gas system take a lot of sting out of the .30-06 and make it fairly easy to shoot and control.
Should you run out of ammo, a silver bayonet can be equipped to the end of the gun. The M1 Garand’s bayonet is quite long, and so is the rifle, so your powerful werewolf stopper quickly becomes a fairly effective spear.
Anytime you pull out the M1 Garand, you know you’re not messing around. We can’t mess around with werewolves.
5. Stoeger Double Defense – Best for Vampires
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Prices accurate at time of writing
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Pros
- Can use exotic ammo
- Lightweight
- Optic and light compatible
Cons
- 2 shot capacity
Specs
- Caliber: 12 or 20 gauge
- Barrel Length: 20 inches
- Overall Length: 36.5 inches
- Weight: 7 lbs
- Capacity: 2
Vampires are so dramatic. Don’t let their stylish dress, charm, and good looks suck you in. You’re nothing more than a blood bag to them, but that’s fine; we can deal with vampires.
Finding the right gun for vampires can be tricky. They aren’t prone to bullets, so you have to be creative. Vampire weaknesses include sunlight, garlic, stakes to the heart, and girls named Bella. Out of those options, I can work with stakes and garlic.
For dealing with vampires, the Stoeger Double Defense is an awesome option. The break-open design gives you a little leeway when it comes to the cartridges the gun can fire.
Handloading stakes into shotgun shells gives you a little more range. Van Helsing will be jealous that you don’t have to use a hammer.
Stake slugs wouldn’t cycle in a semi-auto or pump gun, but a double-barreled doesn’t need to cycle. Drop the shells in, and boom, you can put a stake in the heart from across a room.
Additionally, you can also load some short-range garlic-infused rounds. Grind garlic into small bits, and load it with a dose of buckshot, and ba,m you’ve turned Dracula into an Olive Garden appetizer.
The Stoeger Double Defense is light and optic-ready. Vampires only come out in the dark, and you want to be able to see them to shoot them. It’s tough to hide from a Surefire X300 with its massive amount of candela that cuts through the darkness. In fact, if the Vampire turns into fog, the light will chew through that photonic barrier.
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Prices accurate at time of writing
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Up top, you can toss on an optic, and you should. A red dot will make it much easier to put those stakes into Lestat’s black heart.
6. Exothermic Technologies Pulsefire LRT – Best for Mummies
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Prices accurate at time of writing
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Pros
- Lightweight
- Battery ignition
- 25-foot range
Cons
- Short flame time
Specs
- Caliber: Fire
- Barrel Length: N/A
- Overall Length: 25.7 inches
- Weight: 6 lbs
- Capacity: 0.35 gallon
The best way to avoid a mummy is to not disturb its resting place. Why people keep breaking into crypts that are clearly cursed is beyond me. If you find yourself on the wrong side of a cursed crypt, then you should be prepared to deal with a Mummy.
Mummies tend to be rather slow-moving, but fearsome up close. They’re incredibly strong and seemingly bulletproof. That makes it tough to stop them without some Egyptian magic.
So, we’re going to look away from guns and head straight to a flamethrower!
Mummies might be bulletproof, but they are incredibly flammable. We still want a little range, so a flame thrower is a natural choice.
We live in a world where we have multiple options for recreational flame throwers (God, I love this country), and my choice would be the Exothermic Technologies Pulsefire LRT.
The Pulsefire LRT is lightweight, easy to wield, and doesn’t require a backpack. Its ignition source is battery-powered via rechargeable batteries. It’s simple to use and weighs a mere 6 pounds.
It doesn’t offer you a ton of time to burn with its 0.35-gallon tank, but Mummies tend to work alone. Plus, it’s capable of throwing a flame 25 feet. This makes it easy to incinerate that slow-moving mummy. He’ll be up in flames and turned into ash before you know it.
If you’re a Tomb Raider, then a flamethrower should be a familiar tool.
7. Barrett M82A1 – Best for Supernatural Slashers
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Prices accurate at time of writing
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Pros
- Insanely powerful
- Semi-auto
- Low recoil
Cons
- Heavy
- Outside the price range of the Average Joe
Specs:
- Caliber: .50 BMG
- Barrel Length: 29 inches
- Overall Length: 57 inches
- Weight: 30 lbs
- Capacity: 10 Round
What happens when your slasher turns out to be supernatural? Maybe the vengeful slasher is also fueled by the forces of Hell?
Depending on which film you watch, the weaknesses of these characters can vary wildly. The Supernatural Slasher can be seemingly invulnerable to normal weapons. In fact, those 124-grain JHPs might tickle him.
Shotguns, AR-15s, and more aren’t going to hurt him. Getting access to an RPG or 40 mm grenade launcher isn’t easy, so what’s a guy or gal to do?
Easy, get a Barrett M82A1. The M82A1 is a .50 BMG semi-auto, magazine-fed rifle with some real firepower. It also happens to be one of the most powerful rifles available to the average Joe.
It might not kill the supernatural slasher, but you might be able to turn him into several different pieces.
If you can disassemble the slasher before he disassembles you, it’s a bit easier to get away, get home, and get the hell out of whatever cursed summer camp you’re occupying.
Final Thoughts on Surviving the Night
Phones and guns are all you need to survive practically any horror film. The phone doesn’t matter, but the gun sure does. Make sure you have the right blasters for the right creature.
Did I miss any spooky creatures? Let me know below! Also, tell me what you’re carrying to tackle the forces of creepy crawlers lurking around Halloween. For more Halloween-inspired guns & gear, check out our round-up for the Best Final Girls (and what they survived with).
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14 Leave a Reply
Have a few friends where you can run faster than them. Let them do the shooting and dying when they run out of ammo. Me ... "Exit stage left" (look it up)
For werewolves, you might think you can just load "Winchester Ballistic Silvertip" cartridges into your rifle, but I've got bad news for you: Winchester Ballistic Silvertip ammo doesn't actually contain silver (I consider that false advertising).
Instead, for werewolves you should use a shotgun, because you can easily load 1 oz of silver shot into each 12 gauge shotgun shell. Silver ammo is expensive, but worth it when werewolves are around!
This is a deep cut, I know, (pun intended!) but I would add Mack’s “Shotgun Axe” from AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. to the list. Google it.
I would go with an AR-10 or M1A over the M1 Garand. Not as heavy, magazines with larger ammo capacity. And .308 is easier to find, and cheaper, for the 30-06 ammo specific for a Garand.
AMMO? At least 1000 rounds. Now you need a car-gasoline. Silver bullets? Have you priced them? HINT-end of the world. Cost does not matter put it on your credit card.
Glock 20 with some cooking 10mm and call it a day.
Lol - good stuff. What about water-borne horrors? And, don't mind the haters, they're just jealous of something lighthearted and creative... it intimidates the lizard brain into a fit of aggression - a fitting Halloween repast, and, the real horror we should all be prepared to effectively manage. Sigh, such a zombie-like state of mediocrity to fall into, but, slay we must :)
I'd take the Sub2000 in the 10mm version over the 5.7.
A fun non-sensical effort written by a self acclaimed “ mediocre “ shooter and writer, not surprisingly resulting in a mediocre article.
I bet you're fun at parties. ;P
Is there a reason magazine fed shotguns were not considered? Lots of rounds, quick reload - just wondering.
I enjoy reading everything you send out. This was cool. Thank you guys.
Moving to a free state.
I'll just throw empty 15 and 30 round magazines at them. After all, according to the anti-gun crowd these are the most lethal things in existence.