April Fool’s: Best Speedo Guns For Summer

Is your beach body ready? Are you psyched for hot gun summer? The clock’s ticking, so let’s get you properly equipped while there’s still time.

While most of the American firearm industry remains prudishly focused on catering to board shorts and one-piece bathing suits, I’m happy to report that a handful of more enlightened manufacturers are willing to serve those of you with a European flair.

What you’re about to enjoy is a sampling of the very finest pistols for Speedo carry, complete with very serious analysis and lots of exciting visuals.

Speedo Gun Comparison Chart

Best Speedo Guns

1. KelTec P32 - Best Overall

Best Overall

KelTec P32

$289.00

at Classic Firearms

Prices accurate at time of writing

$289.00 at Classic Firearms

Kygunco (see price)

Guns.com (see price)

Specs

• Caliber: .32 ACP
• Action: Semi-automatic, DAO
• Capacity: 7+1
• Barrel Length: Totally average
• Overall Length: 5.1”
• Weight: 7 oz
• Country of Origin: USA

The KelTec P32 doesn’t usually get a lot of love from the concealed carry community, but it’s the perfect pistol to reach for when your whole outfit uses less than one square foot of fabric.

This pistol is 0.75 inches wide, and weighs seven ounces. That’s the kind of compact firearm that can go unnoticed when you’re bending and reaching to reapply sunscreen to all those hard-to-reach areas.

At the same time, it offers 7+1 capacity of .32 ACP – not too shabby.

But my favorite part of this pistol is the nearly nonexistent sights. While they aren’t great for aiming, the low profile makes this pistol less likely to get snagged on things you definitely don’t want getting snagged in the draw process.

It’s almost like KelTec designed the P32 specifically for people who dress like Borat at the beach.

Want more info? Read our full KelTec P32 review, and see how it stacks up against our other CCW Dark Horses!

2. Taurus Judge - Best Revolver

Best Revolver

Taurus Judge

$402.00

at GrabAGun

Prices accurate at time of writing

$402.00 at GrabAGun

Kygunco (see price)

Specs

• Caliber: .45 Colt / .410 bore (2.5" shells)
• Action: Revolver, DA/SA
• Capacity: 5
• Barrel Length: Totally average
• Overall Length: 7.75"
• Weight: 28 oz
• Country of Origin: Brazil

Do you feel like people are always casting side-eye glances at your swimwear? Do concession stand employees make jokes about the amount of hot dog in the bun? Well, nobody's going to laugh when you stuff a Taurus Judge into your speedo.

This revolver has so much going for it that I almost wonder if it's been a Speedo gun from the very beginning. Just look at that rounded, rubber grip. Doesn't it look like it would be comfy down there?

And enough with these regressive ideas that pigeon-hole us into one kind of ammunition. If you feel like shooting cowboy ammo one day, birdshot the next, and maybe a slug or two on the weekend, what's wrong with that? Shoot one, shoot the other, mix them all up and create a one-of-a-kind defensive masterpiece.

All the while, you can take comfort knowing that the stainless steel finish will protect your Judge, no matter how sweaty things get.

Looking for more (information, I mean)? Check out our hands-on Taurus Judge review!

3. Canik TTI Combat - Best OWB

Best OWB

Canik TTI Combat

$949.00

at Palmetto State Armory

Prices accurate at time of writing

$949.00 at Palmetto State Armory

GrabAGun (see price)

Classic Firearms (see price)

Guns.com (see price)

Show all prices

Specs

• Caliber: 9mm
• Action: Semi-automatic, striker
• Capacity: 18+1, 20+1
• Barrel Length: Totally average
• Overall Length: 7.85”
• Weight: 30 oz
• Country of Origin: Turkey

Who said Speedo carry has to be limited to IWB? I couldn't find any of the old Canik Mete SFT Miami pistols for you, but a Canik TTI Combat with a custom Cerakote job will elevate your whole ensemble.

The TTI Combat is one of the Best Comped Pistols of 2025. It's fast, it shoots flat, and it's got a very in-your-face style that really lends itself to some hot pink and blue accents.

A recreation of the tasteful Miami Days and Miami Nights themes are sure to draw compliments and approval from fellow beach-goers. In fact, I would support you wearing one on each hip for a whimsical, asymmetrical aesthetic that says, “I mean business, but I like to have fun, too.”

We’ve spent quite a bit of time shooting various Canik variations (and the Walther PDP they’re based on) with great results.

Each of these soon-to-be-collectibles comes with a holster, cleaning kit, speed loader, and two magazines (18-round and 21-round) in a color-matching hard case.

Does the Canik fit in your Speedo?? Rate it below!

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4. North American Arms Black Widow - Best Rimfire

Best Rimfire

NAA Black Widow

$345.00

at Hinterland Outfitters

Prices accurate at time of writing

$345.00 at Hinterland Outfitters

Classic Firearms (see price)

Kygunco (see price)

Specs

• Caliber: .22 LR / .22 WMR
• Action: Revolver, SAO
• Capacity: 5
• Barrel Length: Totally average
• Overall Length: 5.88”
• Weight: 8 oz
• Country of Origin: USA

Not interested in plastic pistols? Prefer something a little more classic? I thought of you, too. Allow me to present the North American Arms Black Widow – a revolver for the diehard sun-worshiper and clothing minimalist.

The five-shot cylinder keeps this package small (but not in a cute or demeaning way). The grip gives you plenty to hold onto, and the sights are surprisingly good for any revolver – let alone a micro-compact.

As with .357 Mag revolvers, the Black Widow can shoot multiple cartridges. Save money on training ammo and keep that punishing recoil to a minimum with .22 LR ammo for range days, then swap cylinders and load up on the big magnum – .22 WMR – for more sunbathing-friendly stopping power.

Believe it or not, we actually reviewed this tiny wheel gun, along with the even more compact Pug. A shorter barrel makes a lot of sense in this case, but I couldn’t bring myself to recommend putting something called “the Pug” in your pants.

Read all about it in our NAA Black Widow review!

5. Walther PP - Best Retro

Best Retro

Walther PP

$830.00

at Kygunco

Prices accurate at time of writing

$830.00 at Kygunco

GrabAGun (see price)

Guns.com (see price)

Specs

• Caliber: .32 ACP
• Action: Semi-automatic, DA/SA
• Capacity: 8+1
• Barrel Length: Totally average
• Overall Length: 6.9”
• Weight: 24 oz
• Country of Origin: USA

I mean, this one pretty much speaks for itself. You get it.

But Scott, I Don’t Even Own a Speedo

If you like these pistols, and are ready to embrace the “sky’s out, thighs out” lifestyle, I can help with swimwear.

• American flag Speedos for the 4th of July…and every other weekend
• Tuxedo Speedos for black-tie events
• Denim Speedos and other workwear

Those are some of my favorites. While I haven’t worn them, I’m sure you’ll look great.

Final Thoughts

Speedo carry is woefully underutilized. In the U.S., people are afraid of Speedos. In other countries, they’re afraid of guns. 

My dream is that, with enough open-mindedness and a little bit of courage, we can change that.

Just don't muzzle me at the beach volleyball court.

What’s your favorite micro-pistol for extremely deep concealment? Tell us in the comments if you dare. Need something more appropriate for street clothes? Hit up our guide to the Best Concealed Carry Guns!

Disclaimer: This is a satire/parody post, which may or may not use actual names in quasi-real and/or fictitious narration. So, try not to get too upset about it.