Man Surprised to Find Unsecured Firearms Stolen From Truck Plastered in Cringey Gun Stickers

Truck with Gun Stickers

FRESNO, CA—Local welder and gun dad Todd Heston was shocked Friday morning to discover that the truck he regularly stores his unsecured firearms in had been burglarized. “I can’t believe it – all eight of my Glock 21s and both of the AR-15s I had stashed under the seat – gone, just like that.”  Heston says he’s kept guns in his truck for years without issue, noting that the Gadsden flag emblazoned across the rear windshield “specifically requests the opposite of this.”

When asked if the large amount of gun-related stickers and vague threats that adorn his vehicle could have signaled him out as a potential high value target for smash-and-grab thieves, Heston indicated that he didn’t think so.

“What kind of man looks at all these vague threats and still has the gusto to smash a window lookin’ fer loot? In my day, you didn’t mess with a man like me – a truck like mine. I was badass. People used to respect a man willing to broadcast how many guns were in his possession while rolling coal and doing 80 down a cul-de-sac… But time’s have changed.” A single, patriotic tear streamed down his worn face.

Todd notes he still has a Hi-Point at home.

Disclaimer: This is a satire/parody post, which may or may not use actual names in quasi-real and/or fictitious narration. So try not to get too butt-hurt about it.

13 Leave a Reply

  • KC wear

    I think it would have been funnier if the hi point was left in the vehicle. But I've always told people I should get some vegan Sierra club tree hugging stickers on my truck so people leave my shit alone. Nobody breaks into a truck for a folf disc

    1 month ago
  • Chuck

    Ehh...careful John. While I thought the "article" was hilarious, this COULD get picked up by the "media" and used for...well...you know....

    4 months ago
  • David Schlegel

    More please.

    4 months ago
  • George Guns

    Yes, funny, but truth is often stranger than fiction. Firearms have been stolen in my neighborhood from unlocked vehicles. That is just plain dumb, and then people complain when storage laws are forced on us. I sometimes think I should take the NRA sticker off my truck, but that would just please the anti- gun jerks. Looking forward to future satires.

    4 months ago
  • Reece

    Should you continue writing satire articles? YES But…funnier. This one was “OK” but funnier would have been better. ;) JMO

    4 months ago
  • Tom

    I’ve seen many vehicles with Molon Labe, Glock, and S&W stickers. If I was cop pulling one of them over I would probably call backup immediately. I know they’re proud of their equipment but it’s hard to be a gray man with all those signs. I prefer to be bland and under the radar.

    4 months ago
  • Connie

    A little too over the top. You do not need fiction. Plenty of actual vehicle break-ins due (probably) to some kind of window sticker indicating a gun brand or NRA, or 2A backing. All say there may be a firearm inside.

    4 months ago
  • tyler

    not sure if everyone gets the bit

    5 months ago
    • Rob usher

      Nope they don’t lol

      4 months ago
    • Eric Hung

      *Shhhh* it's more fun this way

      4 months ago
      • Rob Usher

        Lol, I feel his pain mine were lost in a boating accident or they were stolen can’t remember

        4 months ago
  • chris k

    Yes. Its dumb to leave weapons in your vehicle. That is why they do not make safes out of glass. However...you got a little specific with the job choice of your fictional example. Not butt hurt...just thought it was in poor taste to actually be specific with his job. Not your intention but you just disparaged welders as dumb asses. Might want to do a quick edit.

    5 months ago
  • Sean Curtis

    John, Throughout 20 years of law enforcement the vast majority of stolen gun reports I have taken were from unlocked vehicles. Off your body or not locked up safely means out of your control. Advertising availability makes it even worse. Nearly any car can be "unlocked" with a rock.

    5 months ago
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