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NRA Introduces “Soundcloud Rapper” Persona to Counter Abysmal Millennial Membership

FAIRFAX, VA—In a blatant marketing move sure to come across as tragically unhip to its target demographic, the National Rifle Association announced today its intention to introduce a new spokesperson aimed specifically at bolstering millennial membership.

“Listen – I’ll be the first to admit that we don’t understand millennials at all.” says Wayne Lapierre, Executive Vice President of the NRA.

“But when you’ve got an entire demographic that generally refuses to engage with your organization, you’ve gotta try something, you know? We worked with the leading marketing firms, and paired millennial interest in substance abuse and face tattoos with some good old fashioned baby boomer sensibility! The NRA is quite proud to introduce xYung Gat Mane, the world’s first octogenarian Soundcloud Rapper.”

xYung Gat Mane has a combined 430 streams, mostly from Karen at NRA headquarters leaving the tab open and volume on mute.

Notable hits include:

  • ‘Prune Juice and Xan’
  • ‘Stoppin Powah (Club Remix ft. Pitbull)’
  • ‘Joke’s on You We Ruined the Planet’
  • ‘Mother FUDD-er’

Though the move has upset industry insiders who insist that gun media can only reliably be paired with buttrock, Lapierre insists the strategy is a sound one.

“Mumble rap already glorifies firearms, so the lateral move feels natural! If we can speak the millennial language, we firmly believe we can get them to drop the sizzurp and lean and become upstanding young NRA members.”

When pressed further, Lapierre went on to clarify that he “doesn’t quite understand what lean and sizzurp are.”

Disclaimer: This is a satire/parody post, which may or may not use actual names in quasi-real and/or fictitious narration. So try not to get too butt-hurt about it.

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5 Leave a Reply

  • Commenter Avatar

    Does anybody actually think these articles are humorous? The photoshopped pic of the old guy was even crap. Replace the V8 bottle with prune juice, tattoo should read Viagra, teeth should have a gold grill, the 1911 should be gold or chrome....maybe a gold flint lock pistol instead.
    As for the writing........really bad, just easier to delete and leave the revised photo with a small caption.
    This whole humor article idea is kind of crap anyway but it might help if the stories didn’t completely suck.
    Most of the sites content is pretty decent but I really think this “humor” idea struck out.
    I’m sure my opinion will get down votes but most of them will probably be from the writers Mom....after he takes out the trash and cleans his room in the basement.
    Just kidding.....mostly.

    April 13, 2019 8:19 am
    • Commenter Avatar
      Real American

      You are absolutely right. This article is lacking in any sort of humor. I imagine the writer being 300 pounds spending more time trolling Facebook than benefiting the gun community. Stick to what you are semi decent at. Oh and if this is just click bait because Pew Pew only cares about the numbers and not about the quality of their content and it followers then so be it.

      April 13, 2019 8:38 am
      • Commenter Avatar

        Well he’s not 300lbs, he’s not even a deuce and a half. His picture is after the article. You know, the guy who looks like a anti-manscaping Duck Dynasty cast member.

        April 13, 2019 10:10 am
        • Commenter Avatar
          Big T

          Damn dawg did you weigh him?

          Maybe y’all just butthurt. Suck it up, buttercup.

          November 3, 2019 2:42 am
    • Commenter Avatar

      I have a hard time liking anything this guy writes or records. Trying way too hard.

      April 15, 2019 7:24 am